First of all, apologies for the long break between posts! Holidays, travel and jet-lag got the better of me, but now I’m back.



The Sub Par Golfer’s Account

After my psychogolfic breakdown in the last round, I was very tentative about round five. I was going in one-down, Phil was playing outstandingly, and I was trying to remind myself why I even play this stupid sport. We left early and as I’m basically a sleep-walker-talker before 9am, we had our bags in the car already and what I thought was all our gear. Jump to 15 minutes down the road and Phil asked if we had our golf membership card…  

GRUUUSHHHHHHH! The dust flew around the car as we pulled off the road in James Bond-esque fashion and sped back home to get the card. Turns out we made the tee time, but not after a lot of stress and both of us being pissed off at me. So not a great start. 

Phil Tees Off Blues at Maui NuiWhile we waited on the first tee Phil decided he wanted to “play more of the course” so he teed off the blues. Of course we had a ten-minute ‘discussion’ about how many points he should give me from the blues and in the end we ‘decided’ on one. One! Well I’m sure it won’t come down to that in the end…

I had a good few first holes. Three pars put me one-up. It was the first time I’d been up in a match since what seemed like forever. Then we both doubled the 4th, and I parred the next two to go two-up. But a double-bogie, birdie, double-bogie sandwich put me back to one-up. After nine I’d kept the advantage but only just. 

As Phil has proven to do of late, he ‘turned it on’ for the second nine.

But so did I. 

The Sub Par Golfer Putting on the Back 9We parred 10 but then I lost 11 with a bogie so we were back to square. Two pars each and we were still square. Then I stuck my tee shot next to the pin for birdie on the 13th, a par-3, to go one-up. On the next I was impatient while Phil measured up his chip and so I went ahead and putted. I sunk a 3-meter putt on 14 for par, putting pressure on Phil who was still off the green. Then what does he do? Chips in for birdie. All square again. 

On 16 I think the adrenaline had gotten to us both and we both had terrible 3-putts. It was getting down to the wire and we were still square. We both parred 17 which meant we were in that awkward position where I realized that the one point I’d given back to Phil before we even started all of a sudden became very important. Shhhiiiiiizza. And what happened? Well we halved the 18th of course. Because it matters that way and golf is ridiculous that way. The one day I only have one point and it comes down to the last. If I’d have had the point as normal I would have won. 

But I was actually happy. After the nightmare of the last round, I felt relieved to walk away with half. If Phil had won I would
have probably gone into another shame-spiral, and if I’d have won, Phil would have. This was really the best outcome. We’d even both shot 77 gross. It was good golf. Just funny how it nearly always seems to come down to the last…



PHIL: 3.5


For the first time ever, Michelle was losing in our bi-annual Par Wars. She’d gone down ungracefully at Wailea and now we were back at Maui Nui for round five.

2.5 plays 1.5.

I felt really edgy starting this round of golf. Michelle had got herself into such a state over her poor performance at Wailea, I was very anxious over how she was going to perform today.

Phil Gettin' Teed OffI’d been playing from the white tees for the last few games and had some really good scores in the 70’s so I thought I’d give
myself a challenge and play a bit further back today from the blues. This did mean however that due to the different slope, I would only be giving Michelle 1 shot and that would be on the 2
nd hole.

We both start with solid pars, then I bogey and she goes 1 up on the 2nd.  We both had doubles on the dogleg right par 4 4th but for very different reasons.

Michelle hit a good drive but I pulled mine left and it was heading straight for a tree. I saw the ball bounce once, hit the tree and ricochet left and down. I estimated that it would be in front and left of the tree about 3 metres to the left but when I got there, the ball was nowhere to be found. I took the buggy back to the tee and fired off another ball which went OK. Michelle duffed her 2nd shot and got on Phil Makes the Putt at Maui Nuithe green for 3. But she then 3 putted and I 2 putted so we halved the hole. I was happy and Michelle was not.

I am 1 down at the turn. Michelle bogeys the 11th to put us back to square and we continue paring until Michelle puts her tee shot on the par 3 14th just a few feet from the hole and drops the putt for birdie. I go back to 1 down and time is running out.

We both have solid drives on 15 and Michelle’s 2nd shot puts her on the green but I come up short. Michelle putts out for par and I’m still off the green. This is not good. If I go 2 down now with only 3 holes to play it’s probably all over. But the golf gods smile on me – my chip rolls up and drops for a birdie. All square.

The Sub Par Golfer Putting at Maui NuiWe’re both on the wrong tier of the 2-tier green on 16th and both 3 putt for bogeys. Still all square. We halve the par 3 17th so it’s all square going down the final hole. It’s now I appreciate the fact that I have played from the blues. If I had played from the whites, I would have to give her a shot here meaning I’d have to beat her by 2 shots to win the hole and the game.

If she had that point on me, she would have won the hole and the game but we both pared it so the match was halved. It was a relief for me. After the round at Wailea, if Michelle had lost on the last hole after being 2 up on the front, we might have seen another sense of humour failure. If I had lost on the last, I might have behaved in a less than dignified manner also. I think all things considered it was the best result I could have hoped for. At least I’m still 1 up. ☺

A Well-Fought Tie


2 Replies to “PAR WARS: ROUND 5”

Take a penny, leave a comment: