The rules of PAR WARS are simple.

We play matchplay with handicaps (Phil is giving me two strokes this trip).

Whoever wins the most rounds in a holiday is the winner, and she or he gets to feel smug in victory until the next vacation.


The Sub Par Golfer’s Account

I woke up in a bit of a mood. Was slightly hungover from Thanksgiving (I noticed Phil went to bed early) and we had our big round at Wailea Emerald Course. I was really looking forward to playing this course. On any day but today.

It was early and as we drove over Phil asked me “How are you gonna play today?” and I said without hesitation, “Shite.” I knew it was going to be bad but I had no idea the shame spiral I was about to enter.The Sub Par Golfer Tees Off at Wailea Emerald

I teed off on the first in a rush. I was still trying to locate my glove and hat and tee, and in my haste I duffed the iconic first hole, a downhill par four with a beautiful view behind. Ugh. I bogied it to go one down. Phil proceeded to birdie the second hole so my only par for the first 7 holes (and one of my only two points given) was a wash. Then I kept just missing pars. Short approach here, three putt there. I really really tried to push through it and keep trying but after about 5 holes of messing up every hole, I totally lost it. 

I was five down after seven and knew the match was pretty much over. Which really really pissed me off because it was so far gone that even if I snapped out of my mood and started actually playing, it was still too late. Phil was playing scratch golf so I’d have to birdie everything just to lose. It was already over. I was hating every minute of playing this incredible course, and that made me even angrier. The Sub Par Golfer Hating Wailea Emerald

By the ninth I’d said some shit things, tried to quit and totally hated everything. I’d convinced myself we weren’t going to count this round for anything, just so I could get out of my mood (though I knew this wasn’t gonna happen). I ended up
giving the match to Phil before I’d even lost just to end my misery (I was 9 over par on the front but it felt like I was 90 over, and he was level-par). 

On the back nine, I decided to TRY and relax and try to take in the view. I started with an unfortunate triple on 10 but I didn’t care anymore. Then from 11 – 18 I was one under par. Plus-two on the back. Turned out to be my 2nd best round so far of this PAR WARS (83) but jesus did it feel like the worst. Taken me two days just to chill out from it, absolutely completely terrible day. Phil shot plus-two, which is hard to beat anyway. So there you go, l;as;sjlskgjs;klerjgsjg!!!!!!!

Now let us never speak of this again…



PHIL: 2.5


Par Wars Round 4.  Wailea Emerald Course.

There are three courses at the Wailea facility, Blue, Gold and Emerald. The Emerald is the most expensive and most prestigious. Regular punters would be paying $250 to play this course but Michelle has a Hawai’i driver’s license and I managed to swing the same deal as her and we paid $65 each – result.Phil at Wailea Emerald Golf Course

It’s a spectacular track, the Pacific Ocean and the extinct volcano, Molokini is visible on just about every hole. Michelle was playing off the reds as usual and I was tossing up between the whites and blues but opted for the whites to give myself an easy day. First hole is a nice downhill par 4 and I got one down the middle but Michelle had an awful tee shot so her bogey put her 1 down and she was not happy with her start.

I striped a drive down the middle on the par five 2nd and then cut the corner with my hybrid to get on the green with my 2nd shot. A birdie put me two-up and Michelle started to look very miserable.

Phil Takes Approach Shot on Wailea Emerald CourseWe halved the 3rd, I won the 4th and Michelle’s nightmare on five put me four-up and her mood at an all time low. I was playing good golf – I found it easy off the whites and the putts seemed to be dropping. But it’s less than enjoyable when your opponent (and partner) is really, really angry.

After 7 holes, I was 6 up and Michelle was in a state. It was now my turn to stop the cart for a wee chat. The advice I offered, I’m sure you’ve heard before, “you can’t play great every day,” “we all have days like this,” “try to salvage something from the back 9,” “just think about what you want to achieve from here on?”

Anyway, my words must have hit home and once she had resigned herself to the fact that a win for her was very unlikely, she started to play some decent golf (though her mood didn’t improve). The last 11 holes, Michelle played two over par with a couple of birdies but of course it was not enough and the match was sealed on the 13thdscn2725

For me it was a good round of golf– I went out in level par and came back in +2. I was now one point up in Par Wars. The score was 2.5 to me and 1.5 to Michelle. For the first time in history, not only had I beaten Michelle in match play but I was actually leading.

Round 4 Result

Read on. Round 5 HERE.

One Reply to “PAR WARS: ROUND 4”

  1. […] my psychogolfic breakdown in the last round, I was very tentative about round five. I was going in one-down, Phil was playing outstandingly, […]

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